There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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