i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
