Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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