Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
