i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
