ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
