I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
