saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
