Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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