i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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