Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
