I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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