i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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