Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
