ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
