Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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