Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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