96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
