I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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