Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
