Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
