hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
