A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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