I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
