You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
