But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
