I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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