So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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