i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
