your parents love me but you hate me
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
