I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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