i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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