I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
