You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
