Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
