Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
