I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
