Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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