Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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