Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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