i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
