Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
