8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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