Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Damn victory sex feels great
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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