You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
