so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
