Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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