She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
