The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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