Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
