just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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